The federal government was paying all those agents AND forgoing billions in liquor taxes.
As Seen at the Supermarket…
Stopping by the grocery store to buy some cleaning supplies on Friday was like navigating an obstacle course, with 50+ guys of all ages standing in for the obstacles. Clustered in the card aisle and the florist department, staring at cards and bouquets with a mild deer-in-the-headlights look, they’d take note when someone broke from the pack with a firm selection. Then several other guys would oh so casually walk over and pick up the exact same item. The moral of this story: Valentine’s Day causes otherwise intelligent men to behave like lemmings.
Of course, the card/flowers/chocolate route isn’t obligatory; people celebrate February 14 in a wide variety of ways. At the store, we opened up a bunch of killer Pinot Noir and invited customers to bring their dogs for Puppies & Pinot, which was so fun we are definitely making it an annual happening. Lots of people celebrate with friends-my daughter put together a Galentine’s beach picnic with her pals. But the queen of alt-Valentine was definitely my sister Brenda.
Brenda and her husband Randy, eschewing V-Day as both too commercial and too mushy, decided to celebrate Groundhog Day instead. Since there was very little groundhog-themed merchandise available, they were forced to be creative. One year, a plush toy that may or may not have been a woodchuck appeared, named Grandville the Groundhog. In subsequent years, Grandville got a hat, some nifty overalls, and starred in a home movie. Randy even collaborated with Brenda’s students to write, illustrate, and publish a book about Grandville. Now, that’s love.
I myself have no quarrel with Valentine’s Day, but after 26 years of marriage, I don’t need a pre-fab card to express my feelings. When John asked me how I wanted to celebrate the holiday this year, I said ‘Let’s cook a nice dinner and drink a good bottle of wine.’ Roast chicken, fingerling potatoes, and a little bubbly made for a nice, relaxing night. We’re planning on repeating it next year.
Whether or not you celebrated Valentine’s Day-and how-I hope you spent the day with the people and/or animals you love, and told them so, too. But for sociologists in search of a pack behavior study (or anyone else in search of a good chuckle): visit the supermarket card aisle next February 14.